I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
