when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
