I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
