Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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