I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
