Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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