She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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