no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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