You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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