I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i think i have herpe
just one?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
