If that was your dad, he is hot
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
