Pappa wants mamma naked
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
