I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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