Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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