I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
