Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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