If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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