He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
