You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
