I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
