just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
