When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
