im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
