she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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