You really coming over, don't trick.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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