I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
