Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
