Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
