i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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