the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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