Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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