my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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