I could have mohawked her pubes.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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