I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
