I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
