Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
