Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
