maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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