she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So squirting runs in the family.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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