Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
