Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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