How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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