he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
