If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
