She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
