Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
