I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
