so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
