Buhtt sex?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
