We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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