it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he thought i was a dude.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
