More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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