He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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