dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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