Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
